Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Weekly Poop 5/29/13


Roost #44 Poop
  • Dates to Remember:
    • Thursday thru Sunday – Water Conservation Group Meeting @ The Council of Ravens Roosts 49th Annual Convention, live and direct at the Castle in the Sand Hotel.
    • Friday – Ravens Roost #44 16th Annual Scholarship Golf Tournament @ the Ocean Pines Golf & Country Club, 9 am. Even if you're not golfing you can participate in the silent auction. Lots of great stuff to be had!
    • Saturday – Parade Day! Will have a float . Will meet at 8:30 at Sea Scape Motel. Will receive tee shirt, dark purple with Fly Like a Raven in gold letters. Float will have a football field with 2 goal posts, fake ravens, tree in middle with mama bird and baby birds. Would like everyone to wear black pants, capris, shorts. Black or purple shoes, flip flops. Design your own head gear - purple hair, ravens, etc. Parade starts 10 am.
    • Sunday June 9 – from 3 to 5p.m. for a Fun Afternoon of Wine Tasting. This event is at, and hosted by Costa Ventosa vineyard and winery, in Whaleyville, Md. (www.costaventosa.com). A portion of the cost for this event will go to the RR44 Penguin Swim Team in support of Atlantic General Hospital. $15/pp includes a taste of 9 different wines, a souvenir wine glass, light snacks & horderves. Bottles, cases or individual glasses of wine will be available for purchase. For more info and tickets, contact Gary Miller @ 443-618-9972 or Bill Cordwell @ 443-669-4129.
    • Sunday, July 7 – Ravens Roost #44 Annual Summer Picnic at White Horse Park, 1-6 p.m. Cost is as follows: members $10, guests 21 and over $15, guests 20 and below $10. All adults who attend the picnic will be given a ticket for entrance into a 50-50 raffle which will be drawn at the picnic. The picnic includes food (chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, corn on the cob, salads etc.) as well as beer, soda and bottled water. There will also be games played such as horseshoes and any other games folks come up with. Also featured will be "Mister OC" playing tunes and flipping burgers! This event is rain or shine as the community center at White Horse Park has also been secured in case of bad weather. Anyone wishing to attend, please email Bill Cordwell at billycords558@gmail.com or call 443-669-4129. A sign up sheet will also be available at the May and June meetings. All wishing to attend must be signed up and paid by July 1, 2013, so we have an accurate count for food and drinks. Checks can be mailed to me @ 558 Ocean Pkwy, Ocean Pines, MD 21811.
    • October 4 – 7 – The Ravens Roost #44 road trip will be the Ravens/Dolphins game being played on Sunday, October 6th at 1pm. We will be staying at the Courtyard Fort Lauderdale Beach. This is the same hotel we stayed at in 2008. The rooms are $149/night, plus 11% room tax, for the intercoastal view rooms. If you want an oceanview room they are $169/night plus the room tax. I currently have 50 rooms reserved. The cost of the game-day ticket (we will be sitting in the lower section in the endzone), the bus transportation to the stadium and a commemorative tee shirt and koozie will be $150.00.
      You are to provide your own transportation to Fort Lauderdale. If you are flying out of Baltimore you might check both Southwest and Air Tran airlines. Both offer non-stop flights from BWI to the Fort Lauderdale airport-which is less than 10 miles from the hotel. Southwest also have flights out of Philly. Thanks, Mike Grimes.
    • Friday, December 6 – Ravens Roost #44 Christmas Party @ the Cove Restaurant @ Bayside. More details soon.
    • Raft Ups: June 23, July 21, August 25. Do not need to have a boat, as several have boats, but will need to bring a food item.
Ravens Poop
  • Good Ravens news notes and nuggets from Sarah Ellison’s Blog here. It’s getting to the point where I can hardly stand ESPN, but I do go Jamison Hensley’s Blog here to stay up to date with all of the AFC North news.
  • All the best Orioles news notes and nuggets at Britt's Bird Watch here.
Local Poop
  • Sunday – Beach Lights Spectacular, On the Beach at North Division St. Beach Lights Spectacular is a new, exciting show featuring lasers, lights and special effects displayed on a giant 5-story beach ball choreographed to action-packed music. Beach Lights Spectacular will be lighting up Ocean City three times a night every Sunday from Memorial Day to Labor Day! Show times are 9:30pm, 10:00pm and 10:30pm.
Funny Poop
  • Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
    The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
    As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father! Good Morning, Father!" nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
    They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
    Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said "Good morning, Father! Good morning, Father" and started to walk away.
    One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said "Just a minute, young lady". "Yes, Father?" "We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?" She replied "Father it's me - Sister Kathleen!"

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.
    After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside".
    The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better". Tonto said "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
    Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again and claims "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"
    The cowboy says to him "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know - you left your Injun running"...
Etcetera
  • Got poop? Let me know! I’m going to try to get this out every Wednesday so if you get it to me by Tuesday I’ll try to include it. Your input is appreciated.
  • Be sure to visit our website @ www.ravensroost44.com or our blog @ http://ravensroost44.blogspot.com/ for the latest news, notes and nuggets.
  • Life is short. Focus on the good.


Frank


Baltimore Ravens, let’s go
And put that ball across the line
So fly with talons spread wide
Go in and strike with Ravens pride
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Ravens dark wings take flight
Dive in and show them your might
For Baltimore and Maryland
You will fly on to victory


Friday, May 24, 2013

Happy Towel Day


A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost." What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
Hence a phrase that has passed into hitchhiking slang, as in "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is." (Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)

—Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


The Season Begins...


OCMD Welcomes Memorial Day, Start of Summer

Posted on Friday, May 24th, 2013 in Inside OC What To Do In Ocean City by Anthony Towey
summer (n): 1. the most beloved season, characterized by warm weather, cold drinks, and trips to the beach; 2. the time for living a stress-free lifestyle that includes outdoor activities, social events, and celebrations.
According to the calendar, summer starts on June 21, but in Ocean City,Maryland, it has a habit of arriving early.  Memorial Day weekend traditionally marks start of summer and ushers in a season of excitement in OCMD.  This year will be no different, although it was a tough road of preparation for many local businesses, residents, and tourists to arrive at this juncture.
When Super-storm Sandy barreled up the eastern seaboard last October, countless coastal communities were left at the mercy of its wicked winds and surging surf.  Although Ocean City,Maryland did not face the brunt of the storm,Sandy still left much to be repaired and rebuilt in her wake, and generated much uncertainty about the future.  After a long winter that included $1.1 million in damage repairs and countless hours of manual labor,Ocean City is proudly ready to open its shores for the 2013 summer season.
As tourists flood the town,Ocean City’s population will swell from approximately 7,000 residents to upwards of 300,000, making it Maryland’s second largest city between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  It is anticipated that numbers of tourists will be uncharacteristically inflated this year, due to limited beach access along the New Jersey coast which was dealt Sandy’s toughest blow, and Ocean City is pulling out all the stops to give guests more to experience than ever.
It all begins with the re-opening of the Ocean City Fishing Pier, which has been closed since being damaged during Sandy.  Mayor Meehan will be on hand Friday May 24 at 10:30am for a ceremonial first cast that will not only be symbolic of the readiness of the community to put the destruction of Sandy behind it, but also officially kick off what the mayor has dubbed “Lucky Summer 13″.
The “Lucky Summer 13″ campaign is more than just a slogan; it’s a pledge to visitors to make this summer the best ever in Ocean City.  “Lucky Summer 13″ will feature free events 6 nights per week, as well as the abundance of other activities that make OCMD the premiere resort town on the East Coast.
Here are some highlights of the holiday weekend:
The start of summer means the start of summer freebies.  The OC Beach Lights Show begins Memorial Day weekend, and continues each Sunday until Labor Day.  The 5-story tall display will be visible from the boardwalk and will feature lasers, special effects, audio, and video packages.  There will be shows on Saturday and Sunday this weekend commemorating our veterans with a patriotic theme.  Shows will run three times nightly at 9:30,10:00, and 10:30 throughout the summer.
The Ocean City Marlin Club will hold its 4th annual Bluefish Tournament at Sunset Marina in West Ocean City from May 24-26.  Registration begins at6:30on Friday May 24 before the boats set sail on Saturday.  Weigh-ins will be from 3:30-6:00on Saturday and Sunday and the festivities will conclude with an awards banquet and dinner on Sunday from 6:30-9:00.
Those who love art or are looking to celebrate the holiday by shopping should head to the Roland Powell Convention Center for the 13th annual Spring Arts & Crafts Show on Saturday (10:00-5:00) and Sunday (10:00-4:00).  Over 50 vendors will showcase paintings, carvings, nautical items, jewelry, and other arts and crafts.  Local flowers and specialty food items will also be available and many vendors will conduct workshops and exhibitions .
For a complete listing of Memorial Day weekend happenings, check out our “Appearing Live” and “Out & About” pages, and stay tuned to facebook.com/ocfun and @ocfun on Twitter for updates throughout the weekend.
Welcome to summer!


 http://www.oceancity.com/what-do-ocean-city/ocmd-welcomes-memorial-day-start-of-summer


Memorial Day Weekend 2013 Begins...


Spend your weekend well.  God bless us...



Thursday, May 23, 2013

Big Bad Joe


Flacco Filling Out


Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco is heavier than he has ever been.

Drafted in 2008 out of Delaware, Joe Flacco entered the NFL as a string bean. He stood 6'6" and weighed 235 lbs. but his play on the field showed the modest strength behind those skinny arms. Now, five years, three AFC Championships and a Super Bowl MVP later, Joe has shown to be the best deep ball thrower in the league and is in the conversation for strongest arm in the NFL as well. "Joe Cool" is coming off of a post season in which he abused teams over the top, constantly making the big play down field even when teams knew that was exactly what he wanted to do. There was no stopping him.
Last season Flacco bulked up a bit and played at 245 lbs. As he has grown into his body, Flacco has shown some of that great elusive strength that has made Pittsburgh Steelersquarterback Ben Roethlisberger so successful over the years. Unfortunately for Roethlisberger, constantly having defenders hanging off of him while trying to complete a pass has taken a toll on his body and he has been hampered by injuries the last few seasons.
Today, ESPN reporter Sal Paolantonio reported from Ravens OTA's. The one thing that struck him was Flacco's increased muscle mass just from last season. According to Sal, Flacco is now at 250-255 lbs. and has put on sheer muscle mass as he prepares for the rigors of another NFL season and hopefully another long playoff run.
Joe already has one of the strongest arms in the game. He is now one of, if not the biggest starting quarterback in the NFL. At 28 years old he is filling out at a normal rate but it is great to know he is turning that mass into muscle so he can use it on the field. Playing at 255 lbs. Joe Flacco will be one hard guy to tackle in 2013. Add in an improved offensive line and we could be in for quite an offensive treat in Baltimore this season.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Ocean City Scavenger Hunt


OCMD Scavenger Hunt
Jun 15th, 12-8pm
OCMD
The wildest scavenger hunt known to man returns to OCMD for it’s second year!
THE HUNT:Teams will explore OCMD in search of crazy scavenger hunt items, solving puzzles, completing challenges, and answering trivia, all while bar-hopping up and competing to win great prizes!
The Hunt will feature $2 Coors Light Aluminum pints all day long at 15 bars up and down Coastal Highway!
TEAMS:
Teams can consist of between 4-8pp.
- All team members must be 21+.
- Team Registration Fee is currently just $20 (prices will increase)
- Register your team HERE
*Team costumes and themes are strongly encouraged! Bonus points will be awarded to the best teams.
EVENT TIMES:- Registration & Pre-party from 12-2pm (Macky’s Bayside)
- The Hunt from 2-6pm
- Post-party & Awards Ceremony from 6-8pm (Blue Ox)
Participating Bars:Macky’s Bayside, Blue Ox, Bull on the Beach, Duffy’s Tavern, Greene Turtle, Hooters North, Dead Freddie’s, Kirby’s Pub, JC’s Northside Pub, Buxy’s Salty Dog, Crab Bag, Coconuts at Castle Cafe, Fagger’s Island, Fish Tales, Abbey Burger Bistro

Weekly Poop 5/22/13


Roost #44 Poop
  • Dates to Remember:
    • Friday – Water Conservation Group Meeting @ ...
    • Sunday June 9 – from 3 to 5p.m. for a Fun Afternoon of Wine Tasting. This event is at, and hosted by Costa Ventosa vineyard and winery, in Whaleyville, Md. (www.costaventosa.com). A portion of the cost for this event will go to the RR44 Penguin Swim Team in support of Atlantic General Hospital. $15/pp includes a taste of 9 different wines, a souvenir wine glass, light snacks & horderves. Bottles, cases or individual glasses of wine will be available for purchase. For more info and tickets, contact Gary Miller @ 443-618-9972 or Bill Cordwell @ 443-669-4129.
    • Sunday, July 7 – Ravens Roost #44 Annual Summer Picnic at White Horse Park, 1-6 p.m. Cost is as follows: members $10, guests 21 and over $15, guests 20 and below $10. All adults who attend the picnic will be given a ticket for entrance into a 50-50 raffle which will be drawn at the picnic. The picnic includes food (chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, corn on the cob, salads etc.) as well as beer, soda and bottled water. There will also be games played such as horseshoes and any other games folks come up with. Also featured will be "Mister OC" playing tunes and flipping burgers! This event is rain or shine as the community center at White Horse Park has also been secured in case of bad weather. Anyone wishing to attend, please email Bill Cordwell at billycords558@gmail.com or call 443-669-4129. A sign up sheet will also be available at the May and June meetings. All wishing to attend must be signed up and paid by July 1, 2013, so we have an accurate count for food and drinks. Checks can be mailed to me @ 558 Ocean Pkwy, Ocean Pines, MD 21811.
    • October 4 – 7 – The Ravens Roost #44 road trip will be the Ravens/Dolphins game being played on Sunday, October 6th at 1pm. We will be staying at the Courtyard Fort Lauderdale Beach. This is the same hotel we stayed at in 2008. The rooms are $149/night, plus 11% room tax, for the intercoastal view rooms. If you want an oceanview room they are $169/night plus the room tax. I currently have 50 rooms reserved. The cost of the game-day ticket (we will be sitting in the lower section in the endzone), the bus transportation to the stadium and a commemorative tee shirt and koozie will be $150.00.
      You are to provide your own transportation to Fort Lauderdale. If you are flying out of Baltimore you might check both Southwest and Air Tran airlines. Both offer non-stop flights from BWI to the Fort Lauderdale airport-which is less than 10 miles from the hotel. Southwest also have flights out of Philly. Thanks, Mike Grimes.
    • Friday, December 6 – Ravens Roost #44 Christmas Party @ the Cove Restaurant @ Bayside. More details soon.
    • Raft Ups: June 23, July 21, August 25. Do not need to have a boat, as several have boats, but will need to bring a food item.
Ravens Poop
  • Good Ravens news notes and nuggets from Sarah Ellison’s Blog here. It’s getting to the point where I can hardly stand ESPN, but I do go Jamison Hensley’s Blog here to stay up to date with all of the AFC North news.
  • All the best Orioles news notes and nuggets at Britt's Bird Watch here.
Local Poop
  • Saturday – At the Freeman Stage at Bayside – AGA-BOOM, 7-9 pm. Rooted in the unique European theatrical style and universal language of clowning, Aga-Boom cuts through the barriers of language and culture with the art of slapstick, the humor of physical comedy and the delighted excitement of childhood. Aga-Boom is an interactive mayhem that carries audiences to the other side of the funhouse mirror, with outrageous zaniness and unrestrained laughter. Community Event. Free for all. Please bring your own chairs.
  • Saturday - Beach Lights Spectacular, On the Beach at North Division St. Beach Lights Spectacular is a new, exciting show featuring lasers, lights and special effects displayed on a giant 5-story beach ball choreographed to action-packed music. Beach Lights Spectacular will be lighting up Ocean City three times a night every Sunday from Memorial Day to Labor Day! Show times are 9:30pm, 10:00pm and 10:30pm. Saturday, May 25 - Special Patriotic Show.
  • Saturday & Sunday - Soft Shell Metric Century Bike Ride, Crisfiled American Legion. Waterfront views, scenic woodlands and some of Maryland’s most historic locales set the backdrop for the Salisbury Jaycees’ sixth annual Soft Shell Metric Century bike ride in lower Somerset County on Saturday, May 25, 2013.
    Following a show-and-go start at the Crisfield American Legion Hall (116 Brick Kiln Rd.) from 8-9 a.m., riders have the option of following a 62.1-mile (100-kilometer) or 23.1-mile route. Both routes pass some of Crisfield’s most picturesque and historic areas, including the rustic crab shanties of Jenkins Creek. Riders also will have the chance to see a working watermen’s community in action at the Small Boat Harbor. The Crisfield Heritage Foundation offers free tours of the restored workshop of famed decoy carvers Lem and Steve Ward for this year’s participants.
    Cyclists on the 23-mile route will tour the wooded areas of Crisfield and Marion Station, while those braving the full 62-mile route will have the opportunity to see some of the county’s most historic churches as they travel north to Rehobeth before returning to Crisfield, the southernmost point in Maryland. SAG service will be available.
    The Jaycees provide rest stops along the way, featuring drinks, snacks and opportunities for riders to relax and socialize. After the ride, cyclists may visit popular local attractions such as Janes Island State Park or enjoy traditional Chesapeake Bay seafood dishes at one of several Crisfield restaurants.
    Those spending the night will have the opportunity to mingle with the locals at the annual Soft Shell Spring Fair and Watermen’s Hall of Fame induction at the Crisfield City Dock on Sunday, sponsored by the Crisfield Lioness/Lions Club and Crisfield Area Chamber of Commerce.
    All participants receive T-shirts and assigned numbers. Registration is $40 before Saturday, May 18, & $60 after. Registration for children 12 and under is $25 before Saturday, May 19, & $35 after. Day-of registration is accepted.
    For more information email SoftShell@salisburyJC.com.
  • Saturday & Sunday - 4th Annual Memorial Day Bluefish Tournament, Ocean City Marlin Club. Chairman: Franky Pettolina. Registration: May 24, 2013, 6:30-8:30 p.m./Captain’s Meeting: 8:00 p.m. Fishing Days: (1 of 2) May 25 & 26. Weigh Ins: May 25 & 26, 3:30-6:00 p.m., Sunset Marina. Awards Banquet: May 26, 6:30-9:00 p.m.
  • Saturday & Sunday - Spring Arts and Crafts Show, Roland E. Powell Convention Center. Ocean City's only Memorial Day weekend craft show, featuring vendors displaying garden accessories, jewelry, candles, florals, nautical items, wood crafts & homemade items. Also handmade chocolates, fudge, and dip mixes. For more information, contact Janice Cropper at 410-213-0735 or cropperjl@aol.com.
Funny Poop
  • A Pittsburgh Steelers fan dies of excitement during a game and goes to heaven still wearing his team’s jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Baltimore Ravens top.
    "Hey there" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Pittsburgh Steelers fans in heaven."
    "What?" exclaims the man, astonished.
    "You heard, no Pittsburgh Steelers fans."
    "But, I've been a good man", replies the Steelers supporter.
    "Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then?"
    "Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
    "Oh" says St. Peter, "anything else?"
    "Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 dollars to the homeless."
    "Hmmm. Anything else?"
    "Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 dollars to orphans."
    "Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss." Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
    He looks the Steelers fan in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty bucks back, now f*ck off"
Etcetera
  • Got poop? Let me know! I’m going to try to get this out every Wednesday so if you get it to me by Tuesday I’ll try to include it. Your input is appreciated.
  • Be sure to visit our website @ www.ravensroost44.com or our blog @ http://ravensroost44.blogspot.com/ for the latest news, notes and nuggets.
  • Life is short. Focus on the good.
  • Happy Memorial Day. Thank you and deepest appreciation to all who made the ultimate sacrifice so we may be free.


Frank


Baltimore Ravens, let’s go
And put that ball across the line
So fly with talons spread wide
Go in and strike with Ravens pride
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Ravens dark wings take flight
Dive in and show them your might
For Baltimore and Maryland
You will fly on to victory


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Just for Fun


Ex-Raven Anquan Boldin Keeps Bringing Up Super Bowl To 49ers During OTAs

By 
Updated: May 20, 2013

SAN FRANCISCO – As the 49ers began their 2013 offseason training activities (OTA’s) on Monday, recently acquired WR Anquan Boldin has managed to quickly alienate many of his new teammates by constantly and obnoxiously reminding anyone who would listen that they “got their asses kicked” in the Super Bowl against Boldin’s previous team, the Baltimore Ravens.
Boldin, to his new teammates: "Everyone in this locker room who's won a Super Bowl say 'Aye.' Hmm. Sure is quiet in here."
Boldin, to his new teammates: “Everyone in this locker room who’s won a Super Bowl say ‘Aye.’ Hmm. Sure is quiet in here.”

“Hey Coach,” Boldin asked to Mark Eyeyama, the team’s head of strength and conditioning. “Should I take this Super Bowl Championship ring off my finger when I lift weights? I mean, all these diamonds make it so darn heavy, it sort of throws off my balance, you know what I mean? Well no, I guess you wouldn’t, huh?”

“That was a great pass, Kap,” Boldin later remarked to QB Colin Kaepernick after catching a 10-yard slant during 11-on-11 drills. “I don’t know if it was quite as good as any of the six passes I caught for a team leading 104 yards in the Super Bowl a few months ago. But still. Good pass.”

“The guy’s really kind of a dick,” said SS Donte Whitner, who was beaten for a 13-yard touchdown by Boldin in the first quarter of February’s title game. “He keeps cutting in front of me at the cafeteria line, then saying, ‘Oh sorry Donte. Did I just breeze right by you? Force of habit, I guess. My bad.’”

Added Whiter, “Man, what an asshole.”

After a sizzling postseason run that saw ham grab four touchdowns in four games, Boldin, 32, was traded by the Ravens to the 49ers in March in exchange for a 6th round pick.

“I really gotta give you guys props,” Boldin loudly exclaimed, apropos of nothing, during a stretching session. “It’s not every day you can acquire a Super Bowl champion like me for only a late round pick. I think I can be a real asset for this team. For example, I can help point out all of your glaring weaknesses and flaws. That’s kind of an area of expertise for me since, you know, I already beat you once in the Super Bowl and everything.”

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Oh Yeah, We Be Cruisin' Dog...


Our Guy Joe

Joe Flacco ISN'T an ELITE quarterback- but I would bet money that he will be soon!
By