THE
MOST ANNOYING GOLF PARTNERS
The only thing worse than playing with one of these guys is BEING one of these guys...
The only thing worse than playing with one of these guys is BEING one of these guys...
UNSOLICITED
SWING ADVICE GUY
Defining characteristics: Knows exactly how to fix your swing even though you didn't ask. Employs a vast array of swing jargon that only confuses you further. Favourite expression "Wait, try this!"
Defining characteristics: Knows exactly how to fix your swing even though you didn't ask. Employs a vast array of swing jargon that only confuses you further. Favourite expression "Wait, try this!"
THE
HUMAN RAIN DELAY
Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honouring spirit of the game by never picking up. Not in the spirit of the game: dragging his foursome through a three-and-a-half hour front nine. Favourite expression "Put me down for a 10".
Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honouring spirit of the game by never picking up. Not in the spirit of the game: dragging his foursome through a three-and-a-half hour front nine. Favourite expression "Put me down for a 10".
CELL
PHONE GUY
Defining characteristics: Considers golf course an extension of his office, home, therapist's couch, etc. Has perfected the balancing-phone-on-the shoulder wedge shot. Favourite expression: "You guys hit. I gotta take this".
Defining characteristics: Considers golf course an extension of his office, home, therapist's couch, etc. Has perfected the balancing-phone-on-the shoulder wedge shot. Favourite expression: "You guys hit. I gotta take this".
THE
CART GIRL SCHMOOZER
Defining characteristics: Convinced he's got a shot with the cart girl. Would be crushed to learn she offered the same flirty laugh and bag of nuts to foursome of geeks up ahead. Favourite expression: "We'll take four beers and one more smile, darlin'".
Defining characteristics: Convinced he's got a shot with the cart girl. Would be crushed to learn she offered the same flirty laugh and bag of nuts to foursome of geeks up ahead. Favourite expression: "We'll take four beers and one more smile, darlin'".
THE
PARKING LOT PRO
Defining characteristics: Colour-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized tour bag suggest he's played professionally. Topped drive off the first tee suggests otherwise. Favourite expression: "These are the same shoes Tiger wears".
Defining characteristics: Colour-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized tour bag suggest he's played professionally. Topped drive off the first tee suggests otherwise. Favourite expression: "These are the same shoes Tiger wears".
THE
AIR COUNTER
Defining characteristics: Can't remember his score without reliving every shot in detail. Favourite expression: "One in the pond, two drop, three back in the pond. Four I had that funky lie in the bunker and left it in the bunker"...
Defining characteristics: Can't remember his score without reliving every shot in detail. Favourite expression: "One in the pond, two drop, three back in the pond. Four I had that funky lie in the bunker and left it in the bunker"...
THE
FRAT BOY
Defining characteristics: Unable to fathom a round of golf without a steady stream of adult beverages. Idea of restraint is to hold off drinking... until the second hole. Favourite expression: "A few beers will loosen up that swing!"
Defining characteristics: Unable to fathom a round of golf without a steady stream of adult beverages. Idea of restraint is to hold off drinking... until the second hole. Favourite expression: "A few beers will loosen up that swing!"
CIGAR
GUY
Defining characteristics: The easiest golfer to locate on the course thanks to waft of smoke trailing behind him. Oblivious to playing partners struggling for air - and the ash droppings on his belly. Favourite expression: "Straight from Havana, baby!"
Defining characteristics: The easiest golfer to locate on the course thanks to waft of smoke trailing behind him. Oblivious to playing partners struggling for air - and the ash droppings on his belly. Favourite expression: "Straight from Havana, baby!"
THE
SANDBAGGER
Defining characteristics: The 15 handicap who is somehow playing 'much better' than he has in years. Feigns apology when he drops bunker shot within inches of cup, then kicks sand off his shoes like a tour pro. Favourite expression "I guess it's just one of those days"...
Defining characteristics: The 15 handicap who is somehow playing 'much better' than he has in years. Feigns apology when he drops bunker shot within inches of cup, then kicks sand off his shoes like a tour pro. Favourite expression "I guess it's just one of those days"...
OBLIVIOUS
GUY
Defining characteristics: So preoccupied with his own game never looks for anyone else's ball. When driving a cart, always blows past your ball and heads directly to his. Favourite expression: "But enough about me. What do YOU think of my swing?"
Defining characteristics: So preoccupied with his own game never looks for anyone else's ball. When driving a cart, always blows past your ball and heads directly to his. Favourite expression: "But enough about me. What do YOU think of my swing?"
BALL
RETRIEVER GUY
Defining characteristics: Never passes a water hazard without his trusty scoop at the ready. Last bought a new sleeve of balls in the late 80s. Favourite expression: "Whoa! A ProV1!"
Defining characteristics: Never passes a water hazard without his trusty scoop at the ready. Last bought a new sleeve of balls in the late 80s. Favourite expression: "Whoa! A ProV1!"
THE
VOLCANO
Defining characteristics: Has unique ability to allow even the most pleasant days to be soured by any bad swing, bounce, or lie. Relies on Ball Retriever Guy to occasionally fetch clubs out of lake. Favourite expression: "Fuck!!"
Defining characteristics: Has unique ability to allow even the most pleasant days to be soured by any bad swing, bounce, or lie. Relies on Ball Retriever Guy to occasionally fetch clubs out of lake. Favourite expression: "Fuck!!"
DELUSIONAL
GUY
Defining characteristics: Forces group to wait on every par 5 because he's convinced he can get home in two. Usually get there in four. Favourite expression: "If I really catch it, I can get there".
Defining characteristics: Forces group to wait on every par 5 because he's convinced he can get home in two. Usually get there in four. Favourite expression: "If I really catch it, I can get there".
MULLIGAN
GUY
Defining characteristics: Liberally allows himself another whack even when first shot is findable. Favourite expression: "Wait, wait, wait. I gotta try another".
Defining characteristics: Liberally allows himself another whack even when first shot is findable. Favourite expression: "Wait, wait, wait. I gotta try another".
THE
PLUMB BOBBER
Defining characteristics: The only guy in the group not to notice the foursome behind yelling from the fairway as he lines up his putt for double from every angle imaginable. Favourite expression: "Son of a gun, I actually think it goes both ways!"
Defining characteristics: The only guy in the group not to notice the foursome behind yelling from the fairway as he lines up his putt for double from every angle imaginable. Favourite expression: "Son of a gun, I actually think it goes both ways!"
YARDAGE
BOOK GUY
Defining characteristics: Has to walk off every blade of grass before hitting. After contemplating whether a shot is 176 yards or 178, ends up hitting it 150. Favourite expression: "I can't decide if it's a hard 7 or a soft 6".
Defining characteristics: Has to walk off every blade of grass before hitting. After contemplating whether a shot is 176 yards or 178, ends up hitting it 150. Favourite expression: "I can't decide if it's a hard 7 or a soft 6".
THE
CHEAT
Defining characteristics: A sympathetic figure when he pushes his tee shot deep into the woods. Not as sympathetic: When he announces his ball somehow stayed in bounds - with a clear shot to the green! Favourite expression: "Better to be lucky than good!"
Defining characteristics: A sympathetic figure when he pushes his tee shot deep into the woods. Not as sympathetic: When he announces his ball somehow stayed in bounds - with a clear shot to the green! Favourite expression: "Better to be lucky than good!"
THE
OVERCELEBRATER
Defining characteristics: Treats every holed three footer as if just won the Masters. Has sent multiple playing partners home early thanks to overzealous chest bumping. Favourite expression: "Yes SIR!"
Defining characteristics: Treats every holed three footer as if just won the Masters. Has sent multiple playing partners home early thanks to overzealous chest bumping. Favourite expression: "Yes SIR!"
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